Getting Along With Roommates
Whether you’re situated in a residence hall or other on-campus accommodation or sharing an apartment off-campus, it’s inevitable that you’ll have differences with your roommates. They may not be huge differences, but even small misunderstandings can blow up to huge proportions if they’re not anticipated beforehand or acknowledged when they start to emerge.
Get it Straight: Communicate – In your first weeks, talk about your expectations over a cup of coffee. If you’re rooming with two or more people, once your situation is established, hold a meeting. In fact, monthly meetings make sense and go easier if you order pizza.
Learn About Each Other – This may sound corny, but a questionnaire can help you learn about preferences and habits. Questions might include:
What kinds of music do you like?
Are you an early riser or a night owl?
Do you like to have a lot of people around?
What are your best study times?
What stuff would you be willing to share, like food or electronic equipment?
What side of the fridge do you prefer?
Which bed do you prefer to sleep in?
Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
When It Isn’t Working Out – So what if you and your roommate(s) are not getting along? First, don’t jump the gun. Instead of looking for other living arrangements right away, consider the central causes of the conflict. Miscommunication is the main reason, especially if you haven’t cleared the air of unexplained problems.
Give it time to iron out differences.
Avoid counterproductive arguments – “you touched my stuff so I’ll touch yours”
Review and renegotiate your “Roomie Contract,” if you’ve created one
Talk first about the good aspects of your roommate before describing your concerns
Attack the problems, not the person.
Talk to a counselor at your school’s health center
Meet together with your RA for third-party conflict mediation
Present your grievance to the RD